Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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