She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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