Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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