he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize