Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
