I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
