I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
