where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
