I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
