She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
