pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize