on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
