She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
why do cheetos always look like penises
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
