Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You made out with two different species that night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
