I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
it's like iHOP with fire
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
