theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
