It's like a parade of train wrecks.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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