so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
