if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is Oprah even human
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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