You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
