I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
