he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize