I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Houston, we have a blender
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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