enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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