I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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