were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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