Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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