Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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