Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
