idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
