splinters make it hard to masturbate
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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