do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
