worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
