its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
