I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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