Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My pussy is not your playground.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
