im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
