the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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