Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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