Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
