you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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