Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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