my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
