I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize