um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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