I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You need Xanax blowdarts
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
