he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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