Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
