Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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