Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
