My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
