I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
