I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
