Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
