he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
