just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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