My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
where am i from again
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
