Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
