My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
