I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
