I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
