Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
