Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
