i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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