remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
