When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
