so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
