theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
