Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
