Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
