dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
third nipple confirmed
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
