My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
