you guys were way drunker than both of me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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