WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
