If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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