my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think i got beer on your cat.
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