At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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