watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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