she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize