I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
