He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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