He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
