guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
