dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
