Your dad touched me again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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