Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
