just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize