dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
