A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
