I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
