i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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