She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize