Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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