you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
