we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
