Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
