Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
two words: eviction party
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
