nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
