I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
