why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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