I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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