I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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